Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to just be normal and be happy working a "normal" job. If I chose that route I could have a baby and a family of my own, without guilt over my job/career. Few people accept me for me, let alone call me out when I am having a jaded stripper moment. And I actually listen, maybe only throwing a small fit.
I have found one man that I actually listen to, which is very out of the ordinary for me. I realize logically he is smarter and way more successful then myself, but he is just as emotionally unavailable(if not worse). It is like playing with fire. When playing with fire one tends to get burned.
Now that I only work a couple nights a week, perhaps it is time to try again. Not having expectations is the difficult part. I am stubborn to a fault and grew up watching Disney movies. However, it all comes with the territory. Today, I saw a true/real girlfriend and I admitted my emotions: I do care. I do not know why we choose to care about some people who cross our life paths, but it just happens. Connections and chemistry are not something I have figured out all the way. They are either there or not. And odd that the people I have a dislike for at first are sometimes the ones I connect with the best in the long run.
Life is an adventure I enjoy living by the seat of my pants, but emotions are the difficult part. Perhaps, it is worth the risk...
Emotions and connections last a lifetime, but youthful beauty is fleeting.
~Zi-Fi
"Emotionally we are drawn to people who feel familiar on an energetic level. That is, people who, on an emotional vibrational level, resonate with us as being familiar. It feels to us as if we have a strong connection to those people. In other words, we have an inner radar system that causes us to be attracted to people who resonate vibrationally in a way that is familiar on an emotionally intimate level. We are attracted to people whose inner emotional dynamic is similar to our most powerful and earliest experience of emotional intimacy and love - our parents."
~Robert Burney
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